I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
