gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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