I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
