Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
