If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
