i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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