Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
