I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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