Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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