Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
