New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
