i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
