I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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