i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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