i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
