If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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