My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
