awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
