so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
