Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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