her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The adults are the big ones right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
