i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
