I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
