look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
