Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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