She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
two words: eviction party
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
