I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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