dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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