Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
