I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
