just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
