Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
