I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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