Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
