I CAN MOONWALK!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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