They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
