You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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