Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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