Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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