...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
