Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
