He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
