if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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