Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
