he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
