Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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