the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
