are you so shy because you have an std?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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