but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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