The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
