This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
