One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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