Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
