walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
