So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
