i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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