My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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