??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
