God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
