dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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