im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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